by Ellen Greenlaw
"We had no idea that caring for one tiny baby would be a 24-hour-a-day job for two adults," say Melanie and Erik Brotz, parents of Jeremy, age 3, and Elena, 4 months. “We were fortunate to have lots of people around who could help us."
Libby Wentz, mother of 3-month old Grace, agrees. “I was amazed at how completely overwhelmed I felt at first. This little person was completely dependent on me."
Having a baby is a life-changing experience, and there’s no way to know just how exhilarating and challenging the first few months can be. From the wealth of new emotions you’ll be feeling, to the physical recovery you face after giving birth, these first few weeks will be some of the most intense you’ll ever face. To help you know what to expect, we’ve talked to some experts and a few new parents to help you prepare for the exciting ride ahead.
Yield to Your Physical Needs
Dealing with your own physical and emotional needs in the first few days isn’t always easy with a newborn to feed. Yet it is important to be patient with your body and allow yourself time to heal. After giving birth, you will notice certain physical and emotional changes.
- As your milk comes in, your breasts may be painful. Applying heat can help, and you can apply salve to help heal sore nipples.
- Your perineum (the area between your vagina and anus) may be sore, either from an episiotomy (a surgical incision made to the area during birth) or from tearing during birth. Warm sitz baths can help the area heal, and ice packs can help reduce swelling. (Many experts are now advising against routine episiotomies, stating that there is no evidence that having the procedure provides any benefit in most cases and that it causes unnecessary pain and trauma in the mother. It’s a good idea to discuss your options with your OB/GYN before you give birth.)
- As your uterus shrinks, it can cause contractions that get worse when you breast-feed. You will also notice quite a bit of vaginal discharge. This usually stops in about two months.
- You and your partner both may feel periods of intense joy, unbelievable sadness or a combination of emotions. In addition, many women experience mood swings as a result of changing hormone levels. It may be helpful to remember that this is normal for the first few weeks after delivery. (For information on postpartum depression, see “More Than Just the ‘Baby Blues’" on page 10.)
- You may experience constipation and/or hemorrhoids. Using a stool softener is a good idea to help prevent straining. Be sure to ask your doctor which brand to use. It can also help to drink plenty of fluids and eat more fiber-rich foods.
As you heal, put aside chores and cooking for at least the first week. Instead, order out or enlist help from family and friends. Consider asking a parent or friend to stay with you for a few days. Asking for extra help is especially important if you’ve had a cesarean section, as it will take you longer to recover.
Navigating Breast-Feeding Roadblocks
If you choose to breast-feed, you may think that it will be the most natural thing in the world. However, many new mothers find that it takes time and patience to get it right. “I was really surprised at the amount of commitment that breast-feeding took," Brotz says. “It was much more difficult for the baby to latch on properly than I thought it would be. We met with a lactation consultant, and she really helped us out."
For mothers who choose to do so, “the benefits are so great for both baby and mother that it’s worth trying to work through any problems you may encounter," says Ruth Stanton, C.N.M., M.S., a certified nurse-midwife and registered nurse with the Spartanburg Regional Medical Center in Spartanburg, S.C. Breast-fed babies are less likely to have ear infections, allergies, vomiting and diarrhea and are less likely to develop pneumonia and meningitis. In addition, several studies show that mothers who breast-feed may help lower their risk for breast cancer. Stanton notes that the first three weeks of breast-feeding may be the toughest for new moms, but that it often gets easier after that. She recommends finding a pediatrician who supports breast-feeding.
Enjoy the Ride
There are some simple things that you can do to help keep your energy up. This will make it easier for you to enjoy this special time as a new family.
- Take naps when your baby is sleeping. Forget about the chores for now. You’ll find that getting rest is invaluable in those early weeks.
- Shower and get dressed every day. Five minutes alone in the shower can do wonders for your self-esteem and energy level.
- Try to get out of the house at least once a day. Just a walk around the block can be invigorating — and it’s a great way to calm a fussy baby.
- Adapt activities that you enjoy to include your baby. “We’ve already taken day hikes and a camping trip with Grace," says Wentz. “Our hope is to slowly introduce her to outdoor recreation and travel, the things we like to do."
- “Read lots of books," say both Wentz and Brotz. Both new mothers found it helpful to have a few baby books on hand to refer to when they had questions or concerns.
- Talk with other new mothers and more experienced moms. This can help you keep your perspective when you feel overwhelmed and reduce your sense of isolation during the first few months.
Most important — try to relax and enjoy your baby. Encourage your partner to do so as well. As you begin to learn your baby’s cues and eventually settle into a schedule, you will both feel more confident as parents and life will roll along more smoothly. Welcome to parenthood!
More Than Just the “Baby Blues"
Up to 80 percent of new mothers feel anxiety, irritability or sadness after having a baby. This is commonly referred to as the “baby blues." But if you feel unable to do the things that you want or need to do, or if you feel depressed for more than two weeks, you may have a more serious condition called postpartum depression (PPD). You may be more likely to suffer from PPD if you have:
- Had PPD before
- Been depressed before
- Problems in your marriage or a lack of social support
- A history of severe premenstrual syndrome (PMS)
However, according to Kimberly Yonkers, M.D., associate professor in the Department of Psychiatry at the Yale School of Medicine, many women also experience depression during their pregnancy. She states that recent research has shown that as many as 50 percent of women diagnosed with PPD had depressive symptoms during their pregnancy.
If you feel depressed during your pregnancy or after the birth of your baby, be sure to discuss your feelings with your doctor. Postpartum depression can be treated with psychotherapy, medication or a combination of the two.
Back to Top
